At some point, everyone gets angry at his or her lover. Some anger may arise out of minor issues such as a lover delaying an appointment.
Some are serious such as a lover cheating. Some are temporary and some are permanent such as a lover who is always controlling, critical and assertive.
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One thing is that anger, no matter its form, is capable of destroying your relationship.
Why lovers get angry
A lover may get angry if his or her rights are blocked. For example, a married woman, who without any good reason refuses to have sex with her man may make him angry.
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Some lovers also get angry at unfulfilled relationship. For example, a woman may get angry if her man delays marriage without a good reason.
Some get angry when they are misunderstood. There are also cases when a partner gets angry because their unrealistic expectations are not met. Some get irritated by actions or comments of their lovers.
It is also known that some lovers use anger as side effect of failing professions and ambitions and pass their frustrations onto their lovers.
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What you must know about anger
Anger, also known as wrath or rage, is an emotion characterised by antagonism towards someone or something you feel has deliberately done you or behaved in unfair, cruel or unacceptable way.
It may be caused if you lose your patience or feeling as if your opinion or efforts aren’t appreciated. Other causes of anger include memories of traumatic events and worrying about personal problems.
In some cases, hormonal changes can also cause anger as can certain mental disorders.
Anger is an inevitable neutral agent. It will not go away unless you deal with it. If you suppress it, it builds up to explode with uncontrollable aggression. If you express it, it becomes good and healthy.
Anger may, therefore, build or destroy your relationship, depending on how you express it.
Anger is destructive if it becomes prolonged because you pretend you are not hurt but you withdraw from your lover and refuse to express yourself openly.
It is also destructive if you use it to settle scores. Uncontrolled anger damages trust and leads to sadness. You build bitterness which is simply like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.
The longer you get angry, the heavier the doses of poison you take. You predispose yourself to physical disorders such as blood pressure, heart attack and stroke. You are also prone to emotional disorders such as stress and depression.
You hurt yourself and may lead you to violent behaviours, antagonism and divorce. Uncontrollable anger can cause disastrous consequences.
If you face your anger positively your relationship is enhanced. Learn what makes you angry. Admit your anger but restrain it.
Learn also to control your thoughts before, during and after your anger. Sometimes, it is advisable to remove yourself from a situation before it gets worse.
Do you get angry with your lover?
If you get angry with your lover, you are not alone because anger is normal and present in all relationships. You have the right to be angry. Give your partner his or her rights to be angry because anger is a natural response, safety and well being.
Even God gets angry with us but just as God’s anger is for a short time, so must yours. You can’t control or change your lover but you can choose to forgive and let go your anger. Without forgiveness, a relationship becomes a background with no winners, but only losers.
It is interesting to note that the majority of what causes anger in relationships can be solved because they arise out of our inborn differences in our backgrounds, temperament and sexuality. For example, a chloric may be impatient, controlling, stubborn, hot tempered and insensitive.
A sanguine may not be serious about anything. A phlegmatic may be indecisive, while a melancholy may be reserved and moody.
Also, appreciate that men and women are different, what a man may do and feel normal about, may get on the nerves of a woman.
For example, a woman loves to talk and complain even if her relationship is doing great. A man, after marriage may shift focus from his wife to his business no matter how much he loves her. Accepting your differences is key to reducing anger in your relationship.
A woman must appreciate that when a man is angry, he feels better by taking time to cool off and think through things. Asking him more questions when he is angry makes him angrier. Postpone talking to him.
A man must appreciate that when a woman is angry, she needs to talk to file away her problems. Allowing her to talk without interrupting her or offering solutions makes her feel better.
Anger, no matter its form, is a major cause of conflict in a relationship because you only build walls around you and make it impossible to love or to be loved.
Express your anger but take responsibility for it. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.